SSDD

Soup Nazi!!!

2011-07-25T20:16:00.002+05:30

I was out of office sick today - had fever and a terrible throat. My wife forced me into a soup diet all day. I watched Seinfeld all day and then it struck me... maybe she is the Soup Nazi. She kept on saying, "More soup for you!" :)

Reason for creativity!

2010-12-24T16:38:00.002+05:30

A friend visited recently and we ended up watching 'Avatar' while having lunch. I have no idea how many times I've watched Avatar so far, and every single time I keep thinking to myself, "How the hell did he (JC, Jesus ... not theeeee "JC", but James Cameron) come up with this script? Amazing!". Well, once again I thought about the script in the exact way, but this time my friend heard it as well. "Drugs", he said. "Makes sense, a lot of sense!", I thought to myself.

Preemptive!

2010-12-14T16:49:00.003+05:30

I am back to India and have rented this apartment in Bangalore. I like this new place a lot, but this bathroom adjacent to the bedroom, has a problem. I think the walls on the bedroom/bathroom are thin as we (my wife and I) hear folks talking from the other apartment. When we realized that, my mind starts to wander around about the different noises folks from the other apartment can hear and immediately decide to add more fiber to my diet :). However, my wife looks straight into my eye and says, "Next time we fight, we should shift to the other bedroom. OK?"

Crackers!

2010-11-03T03:48:00.004+05:30

There were boards hanging at the IT campus that read, "Crackers are not permitted into the campus". I thought these guys had some nerve posting the message as they get most of their business from them crackers. It took a while for me to realize that I've been watching too much of the black comedians and should re-learn to think in the context.

Knock Knock!

2007-11-19T07:28:00.001+05:30

It was a movie time with a friend and one of the scenes had a funny knock-knock joke in it. As I was enjoying the joke, I expected some company (and maybe even a hi-five... lame, but thats how we guys are), but found no expression as he was still not acquainted with knock-knock jokes. So, what happened next was the funny part - I paused the movie and explained how knock-knock jokes went and also gave him an example

Me: Knock Knock
He (me as he): Who's there?
Me: Boo
He (me as he): Boo Who (boo-hoo)
Me: Ok, don't cry, I was just joking.

The demo was done; I thought I did a good job, but how good it turned out to be, I had no clue. So, I tried a knock-knock joke and so I went -

Me: Knock Knock
He: I have to tell who?
Me: No, you don't have to say, 'I have to tell who?', but 'who's there?'
He: Ok.
Me: So, here...lets try again. Knock Knock.
He: Who's there?
Me: Shallbe
He: Who is Shallbe?
Me: Whew... why do you care? It should be "Shallbe Who?".
He: Ok.
Me: Shall we try again, then? Ok, here we go. Knock Knock
He: Who are you?
Me: What the ff....? Who are you? Screw it, let's watch the movie.

Well, the joke should have been
He: Shallbe who?
Me: Shall-be around later.

20-20

2007-09-28T22:05:00.002+05:30

Got this as a forward -

A few months ago, our ex-president Abdul Kalaam said India would be a super power in 2020. He is a such a visionary, he knew that India would win the 20-20 world cup.

Funny air hostess!

2007-09-28T22:01:00.000+05:30

It was a late evening last flight from Chicago to Austin and it was just half-full (or half-empty... pessimists...phew!). Rare, but none boarding needed additional assistance or had kids accompanying them, so the boarding finished in less than 10 minutes. Unlike the usual person with the mic, the lady in this flight seemed to have a tremendous sense of humour. Since there were another 20 minutes or so before the flight would take off, she tried to perform some sort of a stand-up to entertain the passengers. She narrated a joke about a parrot which was funny (too lazy to type it out). She introduced the captain of the flight as Mr.Jack Sparrow. Also, she was quick with funny comments as she passed through the aisle.

The flight started to move towards the run way and that's when she took her position to demonstrate the safety tips. She went something like this, "Folks, during an emergency or if you don't like my jokes, there are 4 exits that you could take". There were many such fun bits during the flight. And when we landed in Austin, she said, "Welcome to Austin, folks! Outside temperature is 80F and looks like a very good friday night. The night is still young and I have 2 eligible single ladies in the crew who could enjoy a drink or two. If you would like some company, please see me when you exit the flight, we could work out a deal... but nothing less than 25$".

While exiting, I told her that she should try a stand-up sometime. She said, "Try? Those were the days in New York, real fun days. Have a good night sir. And, eh....ummm, if not 25$ how about 15$ (with a wink)". And I wish I had 15$....damn! ;)

A coffee mug note!

2007-02-10T02:14:00.000+05:30

I still miss my ex, but my aim is getting better.

Scoreboard...

2007-01-24T09:50:00.000+05:30

Was watching Australian Open quarter finals match between Maria Sharapova and Anna Chakvetadze. The scoreboard looked something like

It would have been funny to watch my roommate and me on the scoreboard, looking like

South Indian last names .... Commentators nightmare! Mungeri laal ki haseen sapne :)

Hell yeah!

2006-12-30T05:35:00.000+05:30

I heard someone say this on TV -

There are two things in this world that keeps coming back.
1. Cockroaches.
2. Aerosmith.

I agree :). Dude still got it.

Lazy lord and the PRESSURE

2006-12-30T04:15:00.000+05:30

Ever wondered, most of us always appear perfect to others, when it comes to showing up or keeping promises. We would miss an event only if we fall sick or an unexpected guest (some Indian-ized character from a John Grisham novel that you are currently reading) appears out of the blue or the boss just decides to advance the deadline by 12 months and so we had to work over the weekend or stay in the office for eternity. There is a common thing standing out off all these and that is ... none of these reasons can be verified :). I bet none would say stuff like, its snowing or raining (cos weather.com kicks butt) or there's a tornado coming my way or even better...there's a tsunami alert.

We've promised to show-up at a place, but decide the other way when it's time. It happens because every single one of us knows deep-down (atleast I do, keep me company...will ya), that once in a while the lazy lord within, knocks us over and would want us to think that there is nothing better in life than to reach home on a friday evening and stay comfortable in the cozy office wear (maybe loosen the belt and/or tie or...err maybe not) with snacks and drinks spread around (at a hand's reach) and watch every god forbidden thing on television. That's absolutely fine.

An hypothetical instance - The phone rings, I'd pick up and go, "Acchoooo! (blow my nose so hard that the guy on the other end suddenly find his ear wet), hi da! (cough, cough)" and you can imagine the rest of it :). Mission accomplished. Had I said, "dei, i am too lazy. can't make it", I'll be branded as the "the fattest ass ever known to mankind". So, that's unwanted pressure ... you see! So, it's pressure that made me LIE!!! Aaargghhh... Leave the kid alone!

Now, hang-on ... don't you judge me based on this. Next time, when you call, I'd certainly not attempt this. Ahem... what I mean is... I'll have a better reason.

So, when someone gives you a reason next time ... you know what it really translates into .... They have something that is much better than your company. Pardon your friend.... its not him, it could be the lazy lord and the PRESSURE!

Password...

2006-07-21T06:04:00.000+05:30

Got this as a forward (Dhinn_Chakks)

He loved her
But married another ..
One became the wife
The other, password

Tennis at the top of the world!

2006-07-14T08:37:00.000+05:30

Sportive!

2006-07-14T08:13:00.000+05:30

Adieu... Agassi!

2006-07-12T07:49:00.000+05:30

I will miss you at Wimbledon... I salute to the legend! Tennis won't be the same without you.

Check this Wimbledon's picture of the year!

Long live the rivalry!

2006-07-12T06:41:00.000+05:30

Folks... Have you been watching this man, Federer lately? 4 straight Wimbledons!!! ... daeeemmnnn! How does he do that, so consistently? I used to ask myself the exact same question, when it was Pistol Petes' era. I see a ton of similarities between 'em - Roger & Pete ... very blunt expressions on the court, very few pumping fists, no major involvement with the crowd, intense concenteration even when they are walking all over the opponent ... to name a few. Maybe, these are a great players' signature patterns. Now, with these positive signs listed, would I be wrong if I say that even these supermen have problems with the cyptonite .... CLAY (geee ... watched superman last weekend, I just had to bring cryptonite somewhere..LOL). Sampras... 11 appearances on french clay and just 1 semi-finals! duh!!?! Federer... master of grass/hard courts and jack on clay. I've not seen Federer submit to anyone like that ever before. He appeared lost in the french open finals. I expected a little more from this lad ... for his calibre and the way he started off in the finals (6-1 mate!).

On the other hand, Rafael 'Vamos' Nadal ... people compared him (and still do) to Kuerten, Bruguera, Berasategui, Muster and so on ... for his amazing clay court long patient wins. And also, many were sure that even he will fade away after a couple of clay court grand slams. I guess, he proved them all wrong after his emphatic route all the way to the grass slammy final. To me, this spaniard seems comfortable (should improve a little more on grass) on all surfaces and might join Agassi in the elite club of grabbing all the 4 different grand titles (I know, I know... I hear ya, but... its MY opinion... damn you, this is my space). Nadal has a very unique skill to intimidate opponents... 'never say give up' attitude. There was a time when I thought no one would ever be born to beat the comeback king Agassi, but I think I'll stand corrected if Nadal continues to perform similarly.

Watching Federer and Nadal play reminds me of Sampras and Agassi in their primes. I am a die-hard fan of Andre Agassi, not that I don't like Sampras... but when its either Agassi or Sampras, it has always been Agassi. Going on similar lines, I support Nadal. :-)

I wish Federer proves himself on clay too and join the all-4-slammer club pretty soon.

And as Sue Barker said after the Wimbledon finals to Federer, "We’re loving this rivalry, I guess you’re not".

Long live the rivalry! Long live tennis!

Adam 'n' Eve

2006-07-12T06:32:00.000+05:30

Was watching 'Whose Line Is it Anyway' last night. It was the 'Scenes from the Hat' part of the show and the situation picked was, 'What were Adams' first words to Eve?'. And Ryan Stiles went...

No, you don't look fat in that leaf!!!

ha ha ha!

2006-06-28T08:41:00.000+05:30

This guy is funny!

2006-03-02T00:32:00.000+05:30

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Everyone's a loser ... sometime!

2006-02-28T08:37:00.000+05:30

I believe that, time and again, every man indulges himself into some activity that is way too stupid, considering their normal behaviour. You'd understand what I mean better, shortly ;)

Back home, there was this "wise" uncle, who loved to talk about various topics and sounded genuinely knowledgeable until the day, he pretended to be wiser than he ever was. Well, the topic was how cellular phone radiations affected human brain over constant use. It was already around 15-20 minutes into the discussion and it was time where folks would normally start letting out facts and numbers to support their statements.

"You know? A good signal could penetrate a 30-inch steel wall", someone said. Time was running out and my so-called wise uncle could not hold his wise-ness (wisdom) anymore as he wanted to acknowledge the just ended statement with this - "Oh yeah, these signals are undoubtedly very powerful! How else would one expect the phone to vibrate?"

The discussion ended abruptly, I wonder why ;)

Bhar-JAVA!!!

2005-11-27T23:48:00.000+05:30

My name's all messed up, here in US :). Was the first week around, and it was time for an apartment hunt. I was at the rental office accompanied by an old friend, who was generously helping me settle down. Not so surprisingly, I found myself filling the lease document and my married friend was busy flirting with the hot clerk. Once I handed over the filled-out form to the office manager, she reads out my name loud, "Bhar-JAVA". At this very instant, my friend turns back fast with a baffled look on his face, but manages to supress his urge to ask me something, until we headed out.

The moment, we were out, he asks me, "How on earth did she know that you worked in JAVA?". Now, it was my turn to put on the puzzled look and then go on to explain that the letter 'G' in my first name was pronounced like in 'George' instead of 'G' in the word 'Go'. With the halo appearing over his head, I assumed that he finally got it...PHEW!

I was later thinking to myself, "How the hell did he miss introducing himself as Manohar-Mainframe?....Damn!".

Wassup, dawg?

2005-10-19T09:17:00.000+05:30

People...Language...how different can they get? Are they different at all? Well, I certainly thought they were, once. These days, I've started finding similarities and that to...to the very surprising levels. Let me give you an instance...

I am addicted to the brother man's dialogue which goes like, "Wassup, dawg?". That actually, in the good sense just means, "How are you doing, pal?". Well, I went to Florida a few months back to meet an ex-roommate from Bangalore. And, I met my friend at the airport and the first thing, he said, "Eppidi ra irrukke, naaye?"...and that my dawg...translates exactly to "Wassup, dawg?", isn't it?

Or is it that I am watching a little too much of Joey in Friends? :-)

Onsite bhejne mein, tumhara kya jhaatha hai...?

2005-10-15T21:20:00.000+05:30

Back in the good old days with friends at work in Bangalore --- Every one of us (dumb) were eager and expecting to get our 'seats' to be seated in US and make the quick green buck. As it quite commonly happens across the world, the management (dumber) felt there was no immediate need for people to get such an opportunity. And...yada yada yada...so it went, the dumb's were low in morale and were looking to vent it out at the dumber's some-damn-how.

Ah...perfect scenario...a party...an evening get-together because the client (dumbest) just arrived....and the best part for most of the dumbs'....booze!!! Pretending to be drunk, one of the dumb smarty pants went to 'the dumber'...ahem...put his hands around 'the man' and said ...

"Angdaayi woh lethi hain, dum mera nikhla jhaatha hai..."
(dumb: abey..wah...wah...bol)
(dumber: haan...wah wah!! wah wah!!)
"Angdaayi woh lethi hain, dum mera nikhla jhaatha hai..."
.
.
.
"Abey...saale...onsite bhejne mein, tumhara kya jhaatha hai?"

Depends on how you PROJECT it!!!

2005-10-12T09:08:00.000+05:30

It sure depends on how you project it!!! - Well, that was the conclusion after a much heated debate with one of my colleagues. Been thinking about it, because if that statement is true, then it means it does not matter what you do/have, but all, just on how you "project" it. Hmmm... I guess it is true...well, I recall a very funny incident...

One of my close buddies owns a very old bike, well, I would rather call it some machinery from a junk yard on wheels (he is sure gonna kick my butt). He calls it the '69 JAWA...well, 69 is uh, hmm, let me not get there... and he also has plans of turning into a multi-millionnaire by selling the metal scrap in an auction in the near future. Makes me wanna say, "he is much weirder than I am!...what was I thinking about?". Alright, one fine day, he was talking to a gentleman from Germany about automobiles..duh..yes! The German was talking about the legendary BMW and its history and also about some other hi-profile jet engines. Basically, as I understand, it was all about power engines. And here...here...ding ding ding, my man got to speak now and said, "I have a Czech automobile, a '69 JAWA, a desert rider, consumes the same amount of gas like a car (I was sure he was tempted to say, "a 4 cylinder engine"...if you know what I mean..LOL)". Oh yeah..you are damn right, he said it!..and it was sure was the brutal truth...I mean, the gas consumption part. But on the whole, he made it sound like an amazing hi-powered well equipped Harley!

The result of the conversation - "An impressed German!".....hmmmph!!!

And that's exactly how you PROJECT, Pete!!!

Or should I say, I projected differently about the whole bike thing? :-)

PS: My pal loves his bike a lot. If I don't find a girl soon, I intend to love his bike too... completing an awesome bollywood love triangle and spice up my life. Oh Yes...you got that right...I have a SAD life :-)...

I am just ... Bhargav Chit

2005-10-10T11:15:00.000+05:30

It was the first week at work in US - I was told that a help desk guy would call me regarding an issue in one of the applications. The conversation went something like this...

Guy: Hello. Am I talking to "Bergeoav Sheet"
Me: (Whoa...shit??...did I hear shit?) Yes. Hello!
Guy: Did I say that right? How do you pronounce your name?
Me: (Proudly...clearing my throat) Bhargav Chit.
Guy: "Bhergeov Chit"
Me: (Thank you...gawd...He missed shit...phew!!) Yes, that's close.
Guy: Are you from Asia?
Me: (How the f**k did he know? My accent maybe...hmm!!!)Yes, from India.
Guy: Asian names are so tough to say. I find it difficult most of the times.
Me: Hmm...May I know your name, please?
Guy: Oh, I'm sorry. I am Oleg Ovastrozhetskii.
Me: (Yeah baby...now thats what I'm talkin about...an easy name) Hello Oleg.
:-)

$2,69...Nice Bargain??

2005-10-06T07:26:00.000+05:30

Was driving by a neighbouring gas station....saw $2,69 for a gallon and for a moment, I thought, "Ah...a nice bargain, no?"...... moments later...I realised....duh..ppuhhleeaaze...it was $2,03 a couplaa months back!!! HAIL KATRINA!!!